Happy Birthday, Clueless!


This weekend marks the twentieth anniversary of indisputable superlative Jane Austen adaptation, Amy Heckering’s 1995 classic “Clueless.” Arguably one of the smartest dumb movies ever, “Clueless” reimagines the confounding protagonist of “Emma” as a zeitgeisty MTV generation brat, the ludicrously named Cher. To celebrate this ingenious update on a much-loved novel, we’ve come up with a list of other classics that could do with a cinematic makeover.

Breakfast at Biffany’s: Society girl Holly Golightly becomes bored with the inertia of New York’s hipster scene and channels her existential malaise into an all-female underground fight club.

Anna Kalenina: Frustrated housewife Anna defies her oppressive husband by opening a paleo food café, running away with Pete Evans and promptly throwing herself under a train.

The Picture of Dorian Whey: Protein junkie and general bruss discovers that as he continues to dirty bulk, his Instagram selfies become increasingly scrawny.

The Great Catsby: Seemingly normal, twenty-something male buys enormous house in West End, proceeds to populate it entirely with designer felines.

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Flan: A youth rejects his Christian Brothers education in favour of becoming an artisanal baker.

Wuthering Oath: Emily Bronte’s Gothic classic set in Arana Hills. Heath, a member of a bikie gang outlawed under the Newman Government, bangs his head against a Jacaranda Tree whilst mourning the death of his high-school sweetheart, nail technician Kath.

Great Expectations: Ethan Hawke and Gwyneth Paltrow star in…oh wait. No, this already exists.


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